After Titanic
by EverAfter89
Summary: After Titanic, Rose has to cope with Jack's death and a number of terrible things that happen after, as well as raise Jack's fatherless child. But something magical is about to happen. Just keep reading, and please, write some bloody REVIEWS! PLEASE!LAST
1. It's all over

As Rose stepped onto the Carpathia, a man in a uniform placed a blanket around her shoulders and handed her a mug filled with a hot fluid. She was dimly aware of what was going on, and she looked at the man, almost confused. "Well don't just stand there," the man said impatiently, "Drink up. You look chilled."

Of course I am, Rose thought, I just spent 2 hours in freezing cold water. She brought the mug to her lips and took a sip. The taste was unusual. It took her a moment to realize it was coffee, maybe with a little brandy mixed in. It didn't taste good, but she was so cold! All she cared about was the fact that it was hot. Rose just stood there for a while, silently sipping her drink, not knowing where to go. The man in the uniform, who had been helping others aboard, turned around and noticed she was still there.

"What are ya doing just waiting there, staring like a stupid sheep?" he said. Rose didn't respond. "What class?" Still no response. She was confused. Confused and tired. She hadn't slept in at least 24 hours. "What class are you in?" The man said again.

"Firs…er…steerage," she said, "steerage." There's no way I'm going back to Mother and Cal. No way.

"Whatever you say," said the man. "Right this way." He led her across the deck and down a set of stairs still on the exposed boat deck. She spotted a bench and slowly walked to it and sat down, sighing with relief as she did so. The man turned to walk away, and then stopped and turned around. He put a hand on Rose's shoulder and said. "Did you loose somebody?" Suddenly, the events of the previous night came flooding back to her and she froze with terror. "Miss?" said the man.

She blinked and shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. Then she nodded. "Yes," she whispered.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Said the man, and then he turned on his heels and walked away.

Rose turned toward him with very wide eyes. Then, slowly, she turned back and looked at all of the steerage people. Almost all of them were crying. There was a woman a few feet away who was crying like a baby. A young woman, perhaps her friend or sister, or maybe even a complete stranger came up to the crying lady and put her arms around her, trying to sooth her. But the lady pushed her away abruptly. And she just sat there, bawling.

Rose continued staring. There was a young mother, holding a little girl and a little boy. "Mama, why isn't Jacob coming back?" asked the tiny boy.

"Where's Papa?" sobbed the girl.

"I'm sorry," cried their mother. "They…they're gone."

All around here, people were crying for those who were gone. But then, two little boys ran past her, laughing. Rose took it as an insult, even though they weren't laughing at her. You can't laugh yet. I may never laugh again. Hundreds of people just died. That woman's husband, that little girl's father. And Jack. Rose suddenly remembered Jack. It's not that she had forgotten him. Perhaps she had been in a state of pure shock before. But now she suddenly remembered everything about him. Every word they had exchanged, every time they kissed, and their time in the water. He died there. My God, Rose thought, He's dead. Rose began to breathe heavily. She felt tears gathering in her eyes. Rose stood up. She felt exposed. She eyed a nice piece of deck space, secluded by the ropes and a lifeboat from Titanic, just big enough for one or two walked over to it. Rose sat down on her knees and felt the tears getting bigger and heavier in her eyes. Then, she could bear it no longer. Upon thinking of Jack, she burst into heart wrenching sobs. She be began to cry like she had never cried before.


	2. Dealing

The only person Rose had ever lost before was her father. But they hadn't been at all close. His death wasn't difficult to deal with. And now, the only person who had ever made her feel loved was dead and gone forever. Rose could not stop crying. She sat there rocking back and forth, and then let out a loud cry of anguish. She tore at her dress, her hair. She threw herself to the floor and pounded it with her fists. She was worried for a moment that she would call attention to herself. The last thing she wanted was complete strangers making a fuss over her. But then she realized that many of the people were sobbing. Her cries were lost among the others. Rose continued wailing for all that was lost. She curled up in a ball. "Jack," she whispered. "Jack!" she said a little louder. "Jack? Jack?! Oh, Jack! Jack Please!! Jack…" She cried and cried. She wore herself out with all her tears; she cried herself to sleep, something she had never done before.

When she woke the next day it was late. About 4 pm. She had slept for about 20 hours. Her throat ached with stifled sobs and a hard knot lied where her heart should have been. Would that knot ever loosen? Rose felt cramped in her little hiding place, so she got up.

As she walked around the boat deck, stretching her sore legs, she noticed a man talking to an officer. He was asking him about family of his. "You don't understand," said the man. "He's my little cousin. I was supposed to look after him. He can't be dead!" The officer just sighed and tried to calm him down.

Rose began to wonder if any of Jack's friends had survived. She approached an officer. She told him 2 names: Thomas Ryan and Fabritzio DiRossi. "I'm sorry," the man said. "They're not on the list."

Rose had figured. Still, it hurt to hear it out loud. "Well, what about Thomas Andrews?" He didn't even have to check his list.

"No," he said.

"The Cartmells? Bert and Cora? Tell me little Cora is still with us! She must be!"

The man checked his list and sighed. He bowed his head and said, "I'm sorry. They are not on the roll."

"My God," Rose breathed. Cora was only 5 or 6. No God would kill that little girl. To Rose, there was no God. Not anymore, anyway. Rose wanted so much to believe in heaven, and the fact the she and Jack might be together again, but it was hard. She hoped that she would be able to have faith again someday. But not today. Today, all Rose felt was sorrow.

After grabbing some food, Rose stood on the wind swept deck at the rail. She stared at the water, trying to will Jack back to her. Tears fell down her cheeks. She wasn't just crying for Jack. She was crying for everyone. Children had died. 52 children; 51 of them were 3rd class. Rose had never realized before how hard it was for lower classes. Rose felt weak and tired. She sat down on a bench and tried not to think of Titanic. Then, out of the corner of her eye, Rose noticed Cal. She hid herself inside her blanket as he spent about 20 minutes searching for her. "Excuse me," she heard him say a few times, "Do you know a Rose DeWitt Bukater?" The people he asked would just shake their heads. Cal didn't prove very persistent, and he gave up rather quickly.

Rose buried herself in her blanket as Cal strode away. She was alone. "Jack?" she said quietly. "Can you hear me? Jack, I'm so scared. Please be with me, Jack." Everything had been so perfect. And now it was ruined. She could have died. She fanaticized about getting a running start and jumping overboard. She would have done so, had it not been for Jack's final words to her.

_Rose searched in the dark for Jack's eyes. "I love you Jack," she said, shivering._

_"Don't you do that," Jack said sternly. "Don't you say your goodbyes. Not yet, do you understand me?" _

_Rose ignored him. "I'm so cold," she told him._

_Jack took her hand in his. "Rose, listen to me. You're going to get out of here. You're going to go on, you're going to make lots of babies, and you're going to watch them grow. You're going to die an old, old lady, warm in her bed. Not here, not this night, not like this, do you understand me? _

_"I can't feel my body," Rose said._

_"Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful." Jack was having trouble getting the breath to speak. "You must…. you must…. you must….do me this honor. You must promise me that you will survive. That you wont give up. No matter what happens. No matter how hopeless…promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise."_

_"I promise," Rose said weakly. _

_"Never let go," Jack demanded._

_"I will never let go, Jack." She said, "I'll never let go."_

_Jack brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. It was the last thing he ever did. _

A crying baby brought Rose back to reality. She would never forget Jack. She would never stop loving him. And she knew that it was his promise that saved her. It was the promise that kept her alive now.

"Thank you, Jack" she said. Days past, sad days aboard the Carpathia. The only cheering thought was that she would soon be in New York. When that day finally came, she was actually excited. She stood on the windswept deck as the statue of liberty came closer and closer. She sighed, remembering Fabritzio. He really would have loved this. Rose stared at the statue as if she was in a trace. Lady liberty was the symbol of her new freedom. Being free was a good feeling. A crewman came approached her.

"May I take your name please, Love?" He said.

She looked to the officer. She had the perfect idea for how to thank Jack. "Dawson." She said. "Rose Dawson." The crewman thanked her and then walked away to get more names. It was cold. Rose put her hands in her pockets to warm them. Then she felt something cold and hard. She gripped it and removed the object from her pocket. Stunned, she stared at the Heart of the Ocean. A perplexed Rose tried to figure out how it got there. Soon, it all became clear. So that's why Cal was shooting at me!

Perhaps this was a good thing. She could sell it and live well off. But she decided right then and there to never sell it. That would be like accepting help from Cal. No, no, she would keep it. Besides, it held many memories she wasn't ready to let go of yet. However, there was one thing Rose was ready for. Her new life. She didn't know where it was going to take her, or where she was going to end up, or who she was going to meet, but she did know that she was going to try her hardest to make each day count.


	3. starting over

Rose sat herself down on the bed in the bedroom of her new apartment. She looked around her. It was a fairly nice place. Modest and not much, but it had that cozy sense to it and it made her feel at home. Though she hadn't wanted to for pride's sake, she sold her engagement ring to help pay for her flat and furniture and other necessities. She didn't want to sleep on the streets. She wanted to be comfortable. Rose didn't think that made her a bad person. The dwelling held one main room that served as a sitting/dining room, a small kitchen, 2 bedrooms, and a little bathroom. Despite the fact that it was so tiny, she liked her place. It felt very quaint. The apartment building was small; four floors with 3 apartments per floor. Her neighbors were very kind. One was an old lady named Madge Lee. She lived alone but often had her son come and visit. The other was a sweet woman about 5 years older than Rose. Her name was Meg. She was widowed and had two fatherless children. A 4 year old daughter named Elin, and a 2 year old boy named Klaus.

Rose met Meg when she knocked on her door asking for directions to the nearest bookstore. Meg told her where to go, but invited her in for coffee. "So," said Meg in a light Irish accent, "Where are you from?"

"Philadelphia," replied Rose, "But I came here to get away from it all. You know, my parents and such. They were…not too great."

"Oh, I know what that's like," said Meg. "My parents forced me into an arranged marriage with Klaus and Elins' father. He was a terrible man, and I know it's cruel for me to say this, but I'm glad he's gone. He didn't deserve to be their dad."

"My mother tried to force me into one. That's why I came here."

Rose and Meg were quickly becoming close. They had a lot in common, they were close in age, and Rose felt like she could tell her things. Plus, Rose just adored Meg's children. They were so very sweet.

As Rose went to the bookstore later to stock up on her favorites (Jude the Obscure, Moby Dick, The Scarlet Letter, The Fountainheads, Oddesy, some Hemmingway, and poetry) she decided that even though it was a long shot, she should try.

She said, "I'm sorry, but I was wondering…are you hiring?" The lady at the desk just shook her head. Rose was about to walk away when she stopped. "I NEED a job," she said. "My husband just died. I really need a job."

"My husband died 3 months ago," said the woman, whose nametag read 'Amelia.' "I know how it feels. Tell you what; I'll give you a job. I work here too much. I could use the help. Besides, you're persistent and I like that."

Rose smiled and thanked the woman several times. She couldn't believe her good luck. And, she would be working around books, her favorite things in the world. She was going to start tomorrow at 11:00.

When Rose got home that night she felt pretty good. But she still couldn't help but feel empty inside. The knot in her heart was still thick and tight. Rose missed Jack so much. It seemed like every time she thought of him, it was a struggle not to cry. "Why?" said Rose. "Why?"

Rose's job, though a little dull at times, and was like heaven. She would spend her day reading with a few breaks for helping customers. Amelia worked two shifts in the morning and evening and Rose worked the afternoon one from 11:00-3:00. Her pay wasn't much, but it paid the rent and let her eat. Even though she wasn't rich, Rose had the one thing she always wanted: freedom. It was all thanks to Jack. And every night, when Rose went to sleep, she thanked him silently.


	4. Painful memories

Rose and Meg sat together drinking tea in a Café near their building. It had now been 3 weeks since the Titanic sank. Already, the two were as close as sisters. Meg new there was something troubling Rose, and pressed her to tell what it was. But Rose was reluctant. "I'm not sure if I can," she would protest.

"But Rose," said Meg, "keeping it inside will not make it any easier. I know this from experience."

"Fine," Rose said, "Fine. But let's go back to my flat till your children come home from your sister's." The two walked back home, Rose dragging her feet, not wanting to share her experiences. When they were finally in her living room, sitting on the sofa, Rose began her story. "Did you ever hear of Cal Hockley?" She asked.

"I think so," said Meg, "Pittsburg steel Tycoon…yes I think I did read about him once or twice."

"Well, I was engaged to him," Rose said, watching Meg's draw drop in complete surprise.

"Never what you expect it to be…" said Meg.

Rose laughed. "Yes, well, he is part of the reason I'm here. I was pretty rich, upper aristocratic you know. But anyway, it was indeed an arranged marriage. I liked him okay at first, and no one was forcing me to marry him. But then I accepted his proposal, and time went by, and I realized I didn't want to go through with it. But it was too late. I couldn't get out of it. I was stuck. So when I was on the ship…well I tried to kill myself by jumping off the stern. The stern of the Titanic."

"You WHAT?! The Titanic? Oh my dear God, you poor thing. I can't believe it!" cried Meg.

"I'm not done. There's more. Anyway, I never jumped. No, Jack stopped me. He was a stranger. I had seen him once before on the ship, only he was in 3rd class and I 1st. Our eyes met in the distance. But anyway, back to that night. He told me not to do it. And he spent a good deal of time convincing me not to, saying if I jumped, he'd jump." Rose told Meg about how and why Cal invited him to dinner. Then she told him about how he said he would make each day count, and the party below decks. Rose seemed to be talking to herself. Tears gathered in her eyes as he remembered everything. "And after Cal forbade me to see him again, so did my mother. Perhaps that only made me want to see him more. Well, that day, at tea with my mother, I saw this little girl. Maybe she was five. Her mother was correcting her posture. And I saw myself in that little girl. Like I was her. And I didn't want to be her mother five years from now. Everything became clear. And I got up and I left their world. I found myself at the bow, with the man I was meant to be with 10 feet in front of me. 'Hello Jack.' I said. 'I changed my mind. They said you might be up here…'

'Shh.' He said. 'Give me your hand.' I did. He told me to close my eyes. I did. He told me to step up on to the rail. I did. He told me to trust him. _I did. _He spread out my arms like wings and held onto my waist. My hands just stayed up like that. He told me to open my eyes, and when I did, my breath was taken away. I was staring in front of me with nothing out ahead of me but the ocean and a beautiful sunset. 'I'm flying!' I cried. 'Jack!' Oh, it was so perfect. He sang a song to me…our song. Come Josephine in my flying machine. I turned my head to him, he turned to me. Our eyes met and I found myself leaning in close to him. Our faces moved closer together and then we shared a kiss. Our first kiss, the most romantic, beautiful thing I had ever experienced. Everything was perfect."

Rose stopped for a minute. She hadn't shared this with anyone before, and she hadn't been prepared for how much it hurt. Though at the same time, it also felt good. Like a weight was being lifted. Rose then began to tell a dumbstruck Meg in great detail about the drawing. She told her about how her heart was pounding the whole time, but she like it. And she felt safe with him, even in such an awkward position. And the beautiful picture. She didn't leave that out. Rose then explained Lovejoy walking in on them and the chase. She had never had so much fun in all her life. Rose described their time in the Renault and their escape from it. Being on deck with Jack moments later, and their passionate kiss. And then the iceberg.

Rose told her new friend about everything that happened; his arrest, the axe, when she jumped out of the lifeboat, Cal shooting at them, and the death of the Titanic. She then recapped their last conversation. Meg was crying quite uncontrollably. "'Jack!' I cried, as the realization went through me. "Jack, Jack, there's a boat Jack! Jack!' He was dead. And then I just laid my head down and cried for all that was lost. Then, however, I remembered the promise. 'Come back!' I screamed, though it wasn't very loud and was lost under the officers cries to the dead. I ripped my red tresses off the raft. I tried to let go of Jack's hand, but it was frozen. I broke it off. 'I won't let go. I promise,' I told him. I kissed his hand and watched his body sink until it could be seen no more. And then I cried. My heart felt like it was ripped out and stepped on! Oh, God I loved him so much. I still do." Rose finished the story a few minutes the later. She was crying. She felt like she was betraying her promise to Jack, but she couldn't help it. She loved him so much, and she missed him.

Meg looked at her friend and then brought her in to a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Oh, I never should have made you tell me! Oh, you poor thing!" Meg was crying too, very much.

"It's okay," Rose told her in a choked voice. "I'm actually glad you did. You were right. It's better than keeping it locked inside." In about 10 minutes, when the girls finally calmed down, Rose said, "Do you think Jack is looking down on me right now. Watching me? Do you think he can hear me?" Meg didn't answer. She looked confused. "Because," Rose continued, "I talk to him sometimes; a lot of times."

"I think he hears you." Meg said. Rose smiled. Even if she couldn't have Jack, her soul mate, true love, and best friend, she was glad to have Meg; her other best friend.


	5. A little peice of him

Rose got back from work and sat on her bed. She laid there for a few minutes trying to think happy thoughts. All of a sudden, Rose felt overcome with nausea. She ran to her bathroom and threw up. Disgusted, she washed out her mouth and began to walk slowly back to her bedroom. But then, dizziness took over and she collapsed on the floor.

The next think Rose knew, Meg was standing over her, shaking her wildly. "Oh," Rose said, "What happened."

"You fainted or something," Meg explained in a worried tone. "I don't know. I came by to borrow that book and when I knocked you didn't answer, so I just came in and I found you here. I was so worried!" Rose sat up and put her hand upon her aching head. "You need to get to a doctor, Rose." Meg told her. Rose nodded. _Maybe I'm dying_, she thought. Oddly enough, the thought was not a troubling one.

Later that day, Rose sat in the doctor's office while Doctor Johnson examined her and asked her some questions. He finished and said, "Well Ms. Dawson, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do at this point." _Ha!_ Rose thought. _I am dying._ The doctor smiled. "There's nothing I can do, because you're with child."

Rose was perplexed. "_What_?" she almost breathed the word.

"You're pregnant." He said. Rose said nothing. The doctor gave her some instructions as to what she should be eating, and how to prevent nausea. Then he said, "And do you know when the baby was conceived?"

Rose nodded. "April 14th," she whispered. He told her around when she should expect the child.

"And the father?" he said

"Dead," she replied.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But at least you have your baby. Now, get home. I want you to get some rest." He dismissed her and Rose stood up. She left the office and walked him. She was shaking the whole time, but not because of the cold_. Pregnant? But how?_ She wondered. She got to her door, but didn't go in. She turned around and stood in front of Meg's door. She deserved and explanation. Without even knocking, Rose burst in to Meg's living room.

"Rose? My God, you look a mess. Is everything okay?" Meg shooed her children into the next room and sat stared at Rose.

"I'm pregnant!" Rose cried. "I'm having Jack's baby!" Rose burst into tears. Meg rushed over to her and held her close. Rose hugged her back. "I don't understand. We were only together the one time. And it wasn't very long…I mean…how?"

"Maybe," Meg said, "Maybe Jack sent you this baby. So you could truly go on. And so you would always have a little piece of him." Rose smiled through the tears.

"I think I like that answer." Rose hugged Meg again. "Oh, you've been such a great friend. I don't know what I would have done without you." Little Elin walked in.

"Mama," said the 4-year-old, "Is Ms. Dawson okay? She's crying."

"I'm fine, Elin," Rose told her.

"Children are God's greatest gift," Meg said, and kissed her little daughter. Rose agreed. And maybe there was a God. She could never fully forgive whatever higher power that existed for robbing her of her first love, but she was so very grateful for her pregnancy.

Rose then remembered her time with Jack in the Renault:

_Jack sat in the front seat after opening the back door for Rose. She smiled when she noticed two Roses in a crystal on the side of the car. Rose leaned forward and slid down the window that separated the front from the back. Jack beeped the horn twice. "Where to, miss?" he said in a pompous voice. _

_Rose leaned her face to his and whispered in his ear, "To the stars." She grabbed hold of him and lifted him through the window, both of them laughing. They sat there together, holding hands. _

_He stroked her face, cherishing her. "Are you nervous?" Jack said. _

_Rose shook her head. "No," she said. Rose brought Jack's hand to her lips and kissed his artist fingers. His hands were so gentle, but roughened by work. She would never forget their touch. Her heart pounding, Rose made a decision. "Put your hands on me, Jack." She said. Rose moved his hand to cover her breast, they began to kiss, and she slid down the seat under his welcome weight. _

_Rose began to unbutton his shirt while Jack started on her dress. They began to make love for the first time inside the car (such a cliché). In a moment of passion, Rose's hand slammed against the fogged up back window and slid down in a veil of condensation. Rose touched Jack's face, as if making sure he was real. He was shaking all over. "You're trembling," she said. _

"_Don't worry," he said, "I'll be alright." They were both bathed in sweat, all of their clothes off; Jack's coat covered them like a blanket. They were huddled together, intertwined. Rose kissed Jack on the lips and then leaned forward and kissed his forehead. She hugged his head to her chest, and just held on for dear life._

_Then they heard voices and foot steps. "Shiii..." Jack began. They quickly dressed in their undergarments and slowly opened the door so that the creaking hinges wouldn't give them away. Hiding behind some crates, they finished dressing. _

_Jack and Rose tried unsuccessfully not to laugh while they watched two stewards searching for them. Their search light fell upon Rose's handprint. One of the stewards snapped his fingers and indicated the print. The two men stood together and one of them gripped the handle of the door. He thrust it opened, saying "Got yer!" But their search light fell upon an empty seat and the stewards stepped back, their expressions revealing pure shock and disappointment. Rose let out a snort of laughter and Jack held a finger to his smiling lips. The stewards composed them selves and began to search some more, coming in Rose and Jack's direction! _

"_Go!" Jack whispered and they ran to the nearest door. They opened it and found themselves on the boat deck, both of them laughing so breathlessly they could hardly stand. They held each other's hands and spun around. "Did you see those guys faces?" Jack cried. "Did you see their faces?!" Rose put her hand to his lips. She stopped laughing, but her smile lit up her face._

"_When this ship docks, I'm getting off with you," Rose said. Jack held Rose by the waist. _

"_This is crazy!" Jack told her._

"_I know," Rose said, laughing again. "It doesn't make any sense!" Then entirely seriously, she said, "That's why I trust it." Jack looked at her for a long moment, then brought her into a kiss. The kiss went on and on, both of them filled with strange thoughts. Rose loved Jack so much, and she knew Jack returned that love in full measure. Rose could have kissed him forever. She knew it was freezing out, but in Jack's arms, she wasn't even bothered by the cold. _

_But then, they felt the ship beneath them tremble. The pulled apart and looked around for an answer. They found it. Stunned, Jack and Rose rushed to the starboard rail in time to see an iceberg moving aft down the side of the ship._

These were painful memories. Rose's heart hurt. But then she thought of the baby she would soon have, and the knot in her heart loosened.


	6. Pregnancy and a New Job

Rose was 6 months along in her pregnancy. She felt very, very blessed. In addition to that, she also felt miserable. She had terrible nausea, backaches, and headaches. Her ankles were swollen and her breasts were sore. What had become of the once slender body so many had adored? In truth, Rose was not at all fat, even though she thought herself to be. She didn't have much of an appetite for one who was in the family way, and she got a lot of exercise, walking to and from work and such. But Rose had never looked more beautiful.

But when the bills came, Rose realized that she didn't make enough money at the bookstore. Though it saddened her, she knew she would have to quit her job and find one with better pay, if she could manage. She spent weeks looking. She couldn't find any place that was hiring young pregnant women. Perhaps, after she had the baby, Meg could watch it. She knew Meg wouldn't mind.

And Rose knew what she really wanted to do; be a nurse. She wanted to help people so much. She wondered, if she had known how, would she have been able to save Jack? Probably not, but that thought lit a fire under her ass and made her think of others before her self. Maybe if she had enough money, she could afford training and fulfill her dream in five or ten years. But first she needed to find a good, well paying job.

The only thing she could find was at a girls' school a few blocks from her building. It was intended for the daughters of wealthy men and their wives, and was a boarding school. Rose had originally gone there for an interview with the intention of working there as a maid. But the headmistress, Miss Crawford, had a different agenda.

When Rose came for her interview, Miss Crawford, a kind but strict woman of 60 said, "What education have you received?"

Rose replied, "I went to a fine boarding school in Philadelphia for 10 years as well as university and finishing school."

"But then how come you are in such a dreadful position now?" asked the headmistress.

Rose took a deep breath and decided to tell her. It was the only way she could get this job. "I lost everything on the Titanic, including my husband." (Rose had taken to calling herself a widow. It made everything ten times easier.)

"My God," said Miss Crawford. "And he left you with no money, no possessions, and an unborn baby?" Rose nodded. "And if I hired you, you would have to take time off for your baby."

"Yes, some, but don't worry. My friend will take care of it during the day."

"Nonsense," Miss Crawford exclaimed. "There is a nursery here for younger children whose parents don't want to bother with them."

"So…I've got the job?" Rose asked.

"Yes, you've got the job," said Miss Crawford, "Teaching."

"Teaching?!" replied Rose. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I think you would be a fine English and literature teacher. Do you know any other languages?" Rose nodded and told her she could speak fluent French, Latin, and German. "Excellent!" said the headmistress. "Our French teacher just passed, so you can teach that as well. Maybe even tutor some of the children in their Latin." Rose was shocked. Things were really going her way. Rose would be making more than double the money she had been before, with the promise of and annual increase in pay (although it still wasn't tons of money). She would start teaching right away, and take 1 ½ months off after delivering her infant. It would be cared for in the school's nursery while she worked, and then go home to its mother.

Rose came home and told Meg the wonderful news. They took each other's hands and danced around the room like school girls. Rose stopped abruptly and held her belly. "It kicked!" she cried. Rose gripped Meg's hand and held it where the baby was kicking, both of them laughing. Rose hadn't been this happy since she was with Jack. And at the same time, she was sad, because she was remembering a different time, only 6 months ago.

"Think about how proud of you Jack would have been." Meg said, bringing a smile to Rose's lips.

"Yeah," she said, "I'm really making each day count. And not just for him. For me, too."


	7. An unexpected realtionship and surprise

Rose loved her new job. It was sad for her to leave Amelia at the bookstore, but her former employer did give her the lovely parting gift of some new books.

Teaching was a real joy for her. The girls at the school were ranging from all different ages. The youngest girl to participate in classes was 5, the oldest was 16. Some of these girls were only a year younger than Rose. It made her a bit uncomfortable, but she made it a point to not tell them her age. Rose would spend hours each day teaching sweet (and a few not so sweet) and eager (and a few not so eager) girls about the English language and assigning them books to read and grading their writing assignments, as well as teaching 1 French lesson a day and tutoring a few girls who were slow with their Latin. Rose loved her job. It made her think and was exciting for her. She had never realized how much she liked children until she started working at St. Martin's School for Girls.

2 months passed, pleasant months for Rose. She and Meg decorated the second bedroom in Rose's flat for the new baby and filled it with all sorts of pretty things. Rose was rather apprehensive. Would she be a good mother? Would her child grow to hate her? Would her baby be okay growing up fatherless? Well, she would find out soon enough. It was only a few weeks until her due date.

At the school, there was one girl who was a particular loner. Her name was Mary and she was 13 years old. When Rose questioned another student she found out that Mary's father and mother had died a few months back, leaving her under the guardianship of an aunt, and poor Mary hadn't been the same since. Rose could see it for herself. The girl rarely volunteered in class, but Rose knew she was smart. The essays she handed in were magnificent and her tests were almost perfect.

Rose decided to talk to the girl. "Excuse me, Mary?" Rose said after class, "I was wondering if you would please stay behind. I would like to speak with you." The girl nodded and looked to the floor, shuffling her feet. Rose pulled a chair up to her desk and motioned for Mary to sit down. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about your parents." Rose said. Mary shrugged. "Alright," said Rose, "What were their names?"

"Abigail and Joseph McGee," Mary said quietly, not able to meet Rose's stare.

"Abigail....that's a pretty name. What were they like?" Rose asked.

"They were great," Mary replied. Rose pressed her harder. "My father decided to send me here a few years ago. We were living in France, but my parents wanted me to get a good strong American education. So they sent me here. But they would visit all the time. My mother would sew things for me and my father would bring me books. I really loved them."

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Rose said with true affection. "When did they pass away?"

"8 months ago," Mary replied.

"How? If you don't mind me asking."

"I'd rather not say," Mary began.

"Alright, but you don't have to be ashamed. Mr. Dawson, my husband, he passed less than a year ago, and I don't like to talk about it." Rose said. Mary looked up at her.

"They were on their way to see me!" Mary cried, tears welling in her eyes. "It was my 13th birthday and I wanted them to be here. My father said he couldn't book a passage, but I begged him to find a way! And he did! He did! He got 2 tickets for Titanic! And they both died. They both died and it's all my fault!"

Rose was stricken. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Rose leaned forward and brought her student into an embrace, and Mary cried on her shoulder. "I know how you feel," Rose told her.

Mary pulled away. "No you don't! You have no idea how I feel!" Mary got up to leave, but Rose pulled her back down.

"Yes I do," Rose said. "I was on that ship, too. And that is where my husband died. And he died saving me. So I know exactly how you feel." Mary stared into her teacher's eyes, trying to tell if she spoke the truth.

"Ms. Dawson, are you telling me that you were on the same boat my parent's were on? That they died right in front of your own eyes?" Rose nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes," she said, "I am."

"Can you tell me…what it was like?" Mary asked.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" Rose asked. Mary nodded. "Okay," Rose said, "But I'm going to tell you exactly what happened." Rose told her student everything. Not so much her own personal story, but she did admit, under terms of absolute secrecy, that Jack was not her husband and she had met him there. Rose told Mary about what it was like on board, being on the ship when it sank, and the water. The cold, cold, water. When she finished, both were in tears.

"So…that's how my parents died. They didn't drown? They froze to death?" Mary asked.

"Perhaps," Rose said. "That's how most of them died." Mary bowed her head. Then Rose said, "But during hypothermia, your body stops shivering because your blood is concentrating on your most vital organs. It's a very peaceful feeling."

Mary smiled, and was thanking her teacher when she was interrupted by a bell warning them that dinner was in 10 minutes. Mary stood up to take her leave. "Umm…Ms. Dawson? Would it be okay if I came by your classroom sometimes to talk?"

"I would like that very much," said Rose. They hugged and Mary was about to leave when she heard a strange splash like sound and turned around. She saw Rose's face, which was frozen with wide eyes. "My water just broke!" Rose cried


	8. New Arrival

A lusty wail from a baby woke Rose from her peaceful sleep. Rose sat up and smiling, walked over to her 3 day old infant. She picked it up, carefully supporting its head, and kissed it on the face. To quiet her child, in her beautiful melodic voice, she quietly sang it a song, a lullaby:

"_Come Josephine, in my flying machine  
Going up, she goes! Up she goes!  
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam  
In the air she goes; there she goes!  
Up, up, a little bit higher.  
Oh, my! The moon is on fire.  
Come, Josephine in my flying machine  
Going up, all on, 'Goodbye'"_

The baby quieted down a little and Rose kissed it again, happily recalling 3 days ago, right after her water broke:

_Rose looked at the puddle under her feet. "Oh my," she said. "Get help!" Mary ran from the room and returned moments later with a few teachers. They gasped when they saw Rose standing there over her broken water. "Help me!" she snapped. The teachers composed themselves and helped Rose to the infirmary. "What are we doing here? I need to get to a hospital…OOOOH CONTRACTION AHHHHH!!!" _

"_There's no time," said Mrs. Blake, the math teacher. "We don't want you giving birth on a street corner."_

"_Well, I'm not too fond of the idea of delivering my baby in a school!" Rose yelled. She felt another contraction coming and gripped Mary's hand, causing the poor girl to scream. _

"_The headmistress is coming!" one of the nurses in the infirmary said. Rose could hear the girls emerging from their rooms upstairs, curious about the yelling._

_The headmistress walked past them and said, "Dinner is being delayed. You will all stay in your rooms and study until further notice." The girls scrambled back in their rooms and Miss. Crawford swept into the infirmary. _

_Rose began to cry. "I've got a shoe full of amniotic fluid, I'm in a girl's size bed, and I'm in labor! I need a doctor!" _

"_Call a doctor!" snapped Miss. Crawford. Rose stayed there in terrible pain, waiting for Dr. Johnson to arrive. It only took about 15 minutes for him to do so, but it was an eternity to poor Rose. _

"_Her contractions aren't very far apart," the school's nurse told the Doctor. "She's almost there." The doctor nodded. "Ms. Dawson, I need you take a deep breath and push. Can you do that?" Rose nodded weakly and inhaled. She began to push and screamed in pain. She stopped and caught her breath, still holding Mary's hand, who was silenced by shock. _I want Jack_, Rose thought. _I need him here.

_As if Mary knew what her teacher was thinking, she said, "Don't worry. He's looking down on you right now." Rose smiled and nodded, and pushed again. It was the most painful experience of her life, with the exception of nearly freezing to death 8 ½ months ago. And as she pushed, even in this terrible pain, she couldn't help but think, _This is great. I would do this again any day._ Moments later, Rose heard the newborn's strong cries. Rose collapsed her head on her pillow. _

"_Is it healthy?" she asked, exhausted._

"_Perhaps the healthiest newborn I have ever seen." The doctor replied. _

"_Mary, tell me what it is," Rose said. Mary looked at the baby Rose had yet to see. _

"_It's a girl," she said. Rose's face lit up._

"_Really? I…have a baby girl?" Mary nodded. Rose watched the nurse swaddle her baby and carry it over to her. They placed the little girl in its mother's arms. Rose began to cry a little. She was so happy. She had never been this happy in her entire life. Rose looked to Mary. "How can you love someone so much if you just met them?" _

_Mary smiled through her tears. "That's how it was with Mr. Dawson, right?" Mary said. Rose smiled and looked at her beautiful daughter. She had the lightest red-gold hair and blue eyes. Rose knew all babies had blue eyes, but these eyes were very blue. Just like her dad's. And the baby was big and strong. About 6 or 7 pounds and looked so healthy. Mary sat by Rose's side and said, "So, do you know what you are going to name her?" Rose nodded. _

"_I was going to name her Jackie, after her father, but I changed my mind. I think I'm going to call her Abigail." Rose said._

_Mary gasped. "That's my mother's name."_

"_I know," Rose said. "And she must have been very brave to go through that. So I will call my baby Abby. That's my daughter's name. Abby. Abby Pearl Dawson. Would you like to hold her?" Mary nodded and took the baby from Rose. _

"_She's beautiful" Mary said._

Rose was brought back to reality by a light knock at the door. Still holding Abby, Rose walked over and answered the door. It was Meg. "How's the baby doing?" Meg asked.

"See for yourself." Rose said. The new family had only been home one day. They had spent the last 2 days in the infirmary at the school until they finally sent her home in a cab. Rose rocked the baby and smiled.

"Hey Rose," Meg said tenderly, "You did it. You're a mother."

"Yeah," Rose said. "I'm a mother. Thank you, Jack."


	9. Life with baby

Rose was still at home with her little Abby. Other teachers were filling in for her until she came back. The mother cradled her daughter in her arms. Abby was precious to her. She was all she had left of Jack. She still missed him so much and could still feel that knot in her heart, although it was considerably looser now that she had Abigail. As she was feeding her baby, Rose received an unexpected visitor. Rose answered the door after she heard the knock and saw Mary standing in the threshold. "Oh," Mary breathed when she saw the 4 week old infant. "She's even more beautiful than before."

The baby gurgled. "I think that means 'thank you,'" said Rose. "Would you like to come in?" Mary nodded. "Umm…how did you get away from St. Martin's?" Rose asked.

"I snuck out," Mary replied shamefully. "I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't take it. And I wanted to see you. You're the only person who understands."

"It's okay, Mary," Rose told her. "I'll have to bring you back later. I don't want you walking these streets alone. But you can sneak in a window or something. I know what it's like to be a rebellious youth. And this will give me a chance to visit the girls and introduce them to Abby."

"And thank you so much for naming her that. It really means a lot to me." Mary said. Rose could tell that she and Mary were going to have a special relationship at school. She liked the idea of being so close with her students. "Ms. Dawson," Mary began.

"Tell you what, Mary. How about you call me Rose when we are in private. Much less formal this way," Rose said. Mary hesitated, but agreed.

"Wow…Rose…I've never seen you…not pregnant before. You look so beautiful." Mary said, admiring Rose in her slimming light blue dress. "And you should wear your hair down more often. It looks so pretty."

Rose blushed. "You know I can't wear it down in school. Can you imagine Miss Crawford's face if I did?" Both of them laughed, and talked for a while until they realized Mary had to get back for dinner. Rose, carrying the baby, walked back to the school with her and helped her sneak in the back way. Rose joined them all for dinner that night, showing off her baby girl. Even though she didn't want to be away from Abby, Rose was looking forward to getting back to school. Teaching provided her with a satisfaction she couldn't find anywhere else. Rose liked being happy.

Every day at home with her baby was a new adventure. Rose had fun taking care of her daughter. Yes, it was a responsibility, but it didn't seem like it. Abby was very good for her mother. She almost never cried. "Well, at least my bad temper did not translate to my offspring," Rose had told Meg, causing them both to laugh. And all Abby did was smile and laugh. She was a happy baby, and her mother loved her so much. "She's like my little good-luck charm. And…she's all I have left of Jack."

"Jack would be proud of you, Rose," Meg said. "You have really, truly gone on. You're over him."

Rose smiled and nodded. Soon after, Meg left, leaving Rose alone to ponder her words. Was she over him? No. Rose knew this. She didn't cry so much any more. But she still talked to him, and felt so, so sad. And Rose felt guilty about feeling so depressed and alone, because she had her beautiful baby girl. Rose didn't know what was wrong with her. In order to figure that out, she would have to have Freud work on her full time. But she felt how she felt and there was nothing she could do about it.

Rose remembered some of Jack's final words to her: _"You're going to make lots of babies, and you're going to watch them grow…"_ In order to have _lots _of babies, she would have to be with another man who was _not_ Jack. She didn't know if she would ever be ready to marry. She had found the right man. And with the exception of Abby, she would never love anyone as much. Such a thought was inconceivable. Sad tears welled in her eyes and for her daughter's sake, she tried to keep them from spilling over. Abby giggled and Rose picked her up. Her face was tickled by her mother's red hair and the baby laughed, causing Rose's tears to change from sad ones to happy ones.

"I love you, Abby," Rose whispered. "And I promise, I will try to go on. For you."


	10. St Martin's School for Girls

When Rose was pregnant with Abby, her work was very important to her. And now that her baby was out, it was still just as important. But there was one notable difference. Now that Rose was a parent, her job had become, beautifully, just a job.

Every morning, Rose got up bright and early and dressed herself and Abby and then went with her baby over to Meg's for breakfast. Then she walked to St. Martin's School for Girls and dropped Abby off in the nursery. She would then teach her first class, take a break to see her daughter, teach another class and follow the same pattern until lunch, which was taken at a long table with all the teachers (there were 6 others) and all the students (of which there were about 30). After a few more hours, classes would be done with and Rose would pick up Abby and bring her back to her classroom where she would grade papers and plan lessons for about another hour or so. During this time, a girl or two might drop by to talk to her.

Rose had been back at work for a few weeks now, and was really enjoying herself. She felt important. She was well liked by her students. Ms. Dawson was no easy teacher. She was strict, but fair and she was not afraid to scold her pupils, but she did it on good authority and with such good humor, that the girls didn't really mind.

Rose had 4 classes, each class divided by age. (An English/Lit class for children ages 5-7, 8-11, 12-14, and 15-16 as well as a beginner's class for French.) To the older two classes, she would assign difficult books, but give them plenty of time to read them and have in-depth discussions every day. In her younger class, the girls were just learning to read, and some could not at all. But Rose provided them with the individual attention required and then some. If a little girl could not figure out a word the teacher had written on the blackboard, Rose would be patient with the mistake and her how to mend it.

The girls came to love Ms. Dawson. Rose made it clear that they could come and talk to her any time, and many chose to exercise this. A handful of the girls had lost a parent, and Rose was easy to talk to about such things. She would always listen and offer advice and tell them comforting things. And since Ms. Dawson was the youngest teacher by a dozen years, she was the one the girls came to about the changes they were experiencing.

And then there was Mary, with whom Rose shared a special bond. Mary had been a loner, but Rose encouraged her to try and make friends. She didn't know what she would have done without Meg. Mary tried, but she was just too shy around them. Then, a little girl of 4 came to the school and was put in one of Rose's classes. The little girl's (named Elsa) father had died a few months back and her intolerant step-mother had sent her to St. Martin's School. Mary was one of the first older girls timid little Elsa had met, and Mary immediately took the little girl under her wing. She would tuck the girl in at night, and coo when she cried, even cut her meat for her at dinner time. Gradually, this helped Mary become less shy, and she became friendly with a few other girls at the school her own age (though she was still most fond of Rose).

Rose liked her job, and her life.


	11. April 15, 1913

Rose paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital. Tears stung her eyes and her heart was pounding. Then, she could bear it no longer. Rose marched up to the reception desk and slammed her hands upon it. "I want to see my baby!" she screeched.

"Miss, we're doing all we can," said the lady at the desk.

"I want you to do better!!!" Rose could not control her anger. "I want to see her!"

"There's nothing I can do, Miss," said the lady. "Rules are rules."

Rose then collapsed on the floor and cried. The day before, Abby began to cough. Rose didn't think it was much, but then the baby started to vomit. She was red with fever and had stopped crying. This was not a good thing. She was week. Abby was sick-very sick. Immediately, Rose ran outside with the 3 month old infant wrapped in her arms. She screamed for a cab and went as fast as she could to the nearest hospital. There, Rose's poor little baby was diagnosed with whooping cough.

The baby's mother had been pacing the waiting room for hours. She could not take it any more. She would die if something happened to Abigail. She would just die. "Jack," she whispered, "Please. You sent me Abby, you can make her better. Please don't take her away from me. I need her." But still fretful hours passed with no good news to cheer her. Rose knew that her last resort was God. She didn't actually believe in God. Not strongly anyway, but she believed in the possibility of one. And so she sat on her knees and prayed for hours. But still he heard nothing. Perhaps she could bargain with God. She said, "If you will save Abby, I will do anything you want. I will help all others, I will devout my life to you. Anything you want. Just please, save my daughter. Take...take me instead." That was a sacrifice Rose was willing to make.

Rose knew that Abby's condition might be fatal. And if she lost her daughter, she would have lost everything. Because Abby was everything to Rose. Everything Rose did was for her daughter. Rose had done nothing to deserve this, and surly, neither had Abby. Finally, a doctor approached her. "Please let this be good news," Rose said to him, shaking.

"Your daughter is very, very sick," said the doctor. Rose buried her face in her hands, dreading what might be coming next. "She could die. We are trying our hardest, but--"

"Try harder!" Rose interrupted. "Don't you understand? That is the only family I have to speak of and she deserves to live! She can't die! She can't!" The doctor just bowed his head. "Bastard," Rose said. "Take me to see her." The doctor started to protest. "NOW!" she screamed.

The doctor led her into a plain white room. There, in a tiny little crib with low bars on the side, Abby slept. "She's sleeping…is that a good sign?" Rose asked. "Maybe…I mean, she's unconscious. But at least she's peaceful. "Stop that," Rose said. "Stop with this rubbish. You are giving up, aren't you? If you dare tell me that there is nothing you can do I will rip your head off—don't think I won't!"

"We will try harder…if that's possible," he relented, with true sincerity in his voice. Rose looked at her baby. Her face was flushed pink and she coughed in her sleep. Rose could bear it no longer. She began to cry terribly again. Rose had always been a terrible existentialist with so little faith in the world. After the doctor left and Rose was alone with her child, she whispered to God, "If you will just save my little baby I will have faith in you. That is all I can give you. But if you have to take one of us, then take me. Please, just take me." It was amazing, almost unfathomable how much love Rose had for her child. She had loved Jack just as much, but she loved Abby differently. And she could not stand to loose both of them.

The doctor peeked through the door and asked to discuss some things with Rose concerning Abigail's health. She was told of the treatments that would be given, but they were expensive. "I don't care what they cost," Rose said. She went to the desk to make out a check. She filled in the amount and signed it but had neglected to date it. "What's today?" she asked the reception lady.

"April 15th," the lady responded. Rose's face was suddenly drained of all its color. She looked horror stricken.

"No!" she cried. "It can't be!" And then Rose began to cry once more. She wailed harder than she had before. Was this all just a terrible coincidence or was it a sign. The nurses didn't know what to do with her.

"Perhaps you should go home and get some proper rest. It will do you good…" one suggested.

"No!" Rose shrieked. "I won't leave her!"

"Well, I'm sure we could find you a vacant room to sleep in tonight," ventured another.

"Can I sleep in my baby's room?" Rose asked, wiping her tears away with her sleeve.

"Oh, no," said the nurse. "It's far too dangerous. We won't have you getting sick too!" W

"Well…alright." Rose relented. "Where should I go?" A nurse led her to an empty room on the next floor up and left her alone there. The private rooms were reserved for patients too sick to be around others. Abby had her own room, which really was not a good thing. Rose was grateful for one of her own. She did not want to be around any more sick people today. She changed out of the blue dress she had been wearing since that morning into a hospital gown and laid down in the bed, waiting for sleep to come. When it finally arrived she had a vision of Jack. He was surrounded by white lights and was wearing a white shirt and white pants. She looked very handsome. But in his arms he held an infant with red-gold hair, also garbed in white. The two lived together as angels. "NO!" Rose screamed as she sat blot upright in her bed. She was bathed in sweat and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Her baby was not going to die! She would not accept that. Rose slipped out of bed and tiptoed downstairs and walked to Abby's room. She stood outside it and looked at the baby through a window in the door. _My God, she looks so sick! She has to get better!_ Rose could stand to look at the flushed babe no longer and went back to her room for an uneasy night's sleep.

Rose could hardly believe that Jack had been dead a year. Months prior, when April was drawing nearer, she wondered a lot about how she would react to the anniversary of her lover's death. But she hadn't really been paying attention to the dates in the last week or so and she had just forgotten. One year ago, she had experienced the worst day of her life, up until now. Not to say this day was necessarily _worse_, but it was just as bad.


	12. Sickness and Dread

Rose sat in Abby's bedroom, staring sadly at an empty crib. She felt as if her heart was being been ripped out and stepped on 100 times every second. Meg had been notified of Abby's condition and rushed to the hospital to see the two. She helped fill out all the forms, brought Abby's favorite toy and blanket, and sat with Rose. Finally, Meg convinced the worried mother to go home where she would be more comfortable. Rose was taking time off work. Her nights were spent in her flat, her days at the hospital. A whole week passed in this manor, with no sign of improvement for the poor, sick baby. When Sunday came, Rose went to church with the group from St. Martin's School. She prayed for hours for little Abby's recovery. And when she got back to the hospital and looked at the baby, she saw that the color was back in her face. A doctor took Rose aside and said that they were seeing a noticeable improvement. Abby kicked and giggled like she used to, and her fever was lower. And just when things seemed like they would finally be good, the fever returned, and Abigail was left in an even worse state than before. She was dying.

Day after day passed. The little girl was suffering. It wasn't fair to either of them. "Is there any hope for my daughter?" Rose asked. The doctor hung his head and frowned. "So you're just giving up?" she said flatly. "Why? She hasn't!" She said, referring to the child.

"We are doing everything we can…" the doctor stammered. Rose looked back at her baby through the window in the door. It had been over a week since she last held her. She so longed to see her. The baby started to cough again—badly. The doctor rushed in and tried to soothe it. Tears gathered in Rose's eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand to keep from crying out. How did everything get this way?

Another doctor came over to Rose. He told her, "There is another medication we can try,"

"Try it," Rose said quickly.

"It's expensive," The doctor said. "You can't afford it, I don't think."

"Please," she said. "I will find a way to pay you. It may take a little time, but I have a good job. Please, if you don't, she will die." The doctor nodded sympathetically and left her alone. She collapsed in an exhausted state. A tap on her shoulder prompted her to turn around, amazed at what she saw. There, she stood face to face with Miss Crawford, the Headmistress of the school and her boss.

"I will pay for it," said Miss Crawford.

"I could never ask you to do that," Rose said.

"Nonsense. That child is the delight of the school. We all love her and I care more about her life than I do my own. I think we all do. Now, I want you to get some rest. I'm taking charge here. They will listen to me. My father helped build this place." Crawford said. Rose was stunned. She just nodded and sat down, and watched the headmistress yell at some nurses and demand better treatment. She yelled things like, "do you have any idea who I _am_?" and, "I will not be spoken to in that manner. If I tell you to give that baby a more comfortable mattress, then you will! Now move!" Rose was pretty sure that old lady Crawford (as she was referred to by the girls at school) was scaring the hospital staff a bit, but it worked. They listened to her and did as they were told.

Even so, Abby was still quite ill. Her condition had not improved and not worsened. For three more days, the baby hovered between life and death. Rose recalled her last few moments on Titanic. As she and Jack clung to the rail, a middle aged woman hugged her six year old son close to her, trying to comfort him. "It will all be over soon," the woman said. "It will all be over soon."

_Please, let this all be over soon,_ Rose thought. She couldn't take it much longer. That night, Abby coughed up blood and Rose refused to go home. "If Abby is going to die, then it will be this night. I'm not leaving her here alone." Rose said. She refused the offer of a bed to sleep in. She sat in a chair outside her daughter's room. Rose wished Meg was here. She had been most days, but her sister had refused to watch her kids another night, so Meg was forced to go home. Rose was alone.

Somehow, she drifted off to sleep. She drempt of Jack. _Once again, he was garbed in white. He was holding baby Abigail in his arms, and they were angels. Suddenly, Jack was in the hospital next to Rose. He looked at the baby, then leaned down and gave Rose a passionate kiss. He smiled, and placed the baby in Rose's arms. Then he turned and walked away. Rose called after him, but he just kept walking and he faded out, leaving Rose with the child. _"Jack!" Rose sat up. "It was just a dream," she said to herself. She turned around and looked into Abby's room. She was awake! Ignoring the rules, Rose rushed into the room and stared at the little one. The color was back in her face. Rose held a hand to her forehead and smiled when she realized the fever was down. She rushed out of the room and found a doctor and led him to Abby.

After examining her, the doctor said, "I think it's safe to say she's going to be fine." Rose bowed her head and wept for joy.


	13. Christams

"Mama!" said Abby. She toddled over to Rose and handed her a quill that had fallen on the floor; the days at the hospital now just a distant memory.

Rose was sitting in her classroom, grading French tests. 11 month old Abigail had just started walking a few days ago. "Why thank you, darling," Rose said. Abby had been talking for a few weeks. Just little words like mama, baba, and even Mary (though it sounded more like "Maui"). Mary often played with the baby, which was why she knew the word. Christmas was in a few short days, and Rose was rushing to finish grading a load of tests and papers so her students wouldn't be worrying about unknown grades over the holiday.

This would be her first Christmas with her daughter, her second since Titanic. Last Christmas had been a drag. Rose was very pregnant, very anxious, and very lonely. But now she had her beautiful, smart, sweet daughter. Abby had the lightest red-gold curls that were rather short, but made her look absolutely adorable. She had her father's bright blue eyes and was just so small, that when you looked at her, your heart would melt.

Ms. Dawson marked and A on the last of the French tests, grabbed her bag, and her baby, and headed home. There was a chill in the air and Abby was wrapped in a few thick blanket, and Rose wore the same coat she always wore, Cal's old greatcoat. Rose passed a poor little beggar, a girl who couldn't be more than 5 or 6 years old. She wore a thin ragged dress and stood next to who appeared to be her older brother. Rose removed one of Abby's blankets and wrapped it around the little girl. She looked to her brother, who nodded in approval. "Bless you," said the boy.

"And you," Rose said, "Merry Christmas." Then Rose stopped at a few stalls in the out door market and bought the rest of what she would need to make a pie and some other pastries for the holidays. She headed down another street and stopped in front of an old homeless blind man. "Hello Mr. Burns," Rose said.

"Ah, Miss Rose," said blind Mr. Burns without looking up, "How are you today?"

"I'm doing fine, sir," she replied.

"And how's your beautiful little daughter?" He asked

"She's well, sir, but how do you know she's beautiful?" Rose asked, smiling.

"There are some things you just _know_," he said in his hoarse voice. "Besides, I lost my sight. Not my vision. And that is a beautiful baby; in mind, body, and spirit. I'd bet you get on your knees and thank God for her every day."

"I do," Rose said. Just like she did almost daily, she reached into her bag and brought out a hunk of fresh bread for Mr. Burns. "Here you are, sir." She said, placing the food in his hands.

"Ah, Rose, you really don't need to do this." He said.

"We go through this every day," she reminded him. "Besides, it's Christmas. Now eat, sir!"

"Why do you call me 'sir'?" He asked. "No one else would. The word 'sir' is generally reserved for fine, upstanding gentlemen. Not me."

"If a sir is a fine man, then you are a sir. I should be getting home. I don't want Abby to catch a cold. But I do hope you will let me bring you to the school for Christmas dinner! Please!" Rose begged.

"Oh, you don't want someone like me there…" Mr. Burns began.

"Nonsense," Rose said. "This is what Christmas is about. I'll take you there at sunset. Now eat!" And with that, Rose took the final turn to get to her street, all the while holding her child close.

When Christmas came a few days later, Rose got up early and dressed in one of her prettiest, most festive outfits. It was a red dress made of a soft material, low cut, and lined with green on all the hems, and a green sash around the waist. She had added green embroidery all around it too make it look nicer. She brushed her hair and left it down. She then walked over to Abby's bedroom where she found her daughter awake and standing happily in her crib. Rose dressed her in a green dress she had made, with a red sash and a pretty red bow for her hair. Rose studied herself in the mirror and knew she looked stunningly beautiful. She shone with the special radiance of one well pleased with herself.

Rose gathered an armful of presents, her daughter, and her skirts, and headed over to Meg's flat. "Happy Christmas!" she cried, bursting through the front door. Meg and her children ran over to her and they all hugged. As the children opened presents, the adults enjoyed some coffee and then exchanged gifts themselves. Rose had made Meg a beautiful blue dress, which helped bring out her comely blonde hair. Meg gave her something she could really use—a new coat. It was a pretty, long, black, wool, woman's' coat. "Thank you so much!" Rose said, "Now I can finally put away Cal's old one!" The day passed pleasantly for the two of them. When it got a little later, Rose freshened up and helped Meg into her new dress. She then put on her new coat, and she, Abby, Meg, and Meg's children set off for St. Martins.

Most of the girls there went home for Christmas, but there were a few who's parents didn't want (or couldn't afford for) their children to visit. Others were orphaned and had guardians who weren't keen on being bothered by them. A few girls had parents who had made other plans. All in all, there were 14 girls left there for Christmas, Mary and little Elsa among them. In addition to bringing Mr. Burns, she had invited Meg and her family to help fill up the empty seats at the long table in the dining room.

When Rose found Mr. Burns, he looked much better than usual. He had most likely washed his beard and face at the water tap and dusted off his clothing. Rose had brought with her one of Meg's late-husband's jackets for him to wear. "You look very handsome," she told him when he put it on."

"Why thank you, Miss Rose," said the old man. "I only wish I could see for myself." And then the group went off in the direction of the school, Rose holding Mr. Burns hand and steering him in the right direction.

She couldn't help but feel pity for this old man. He had no home, little clothes, no sight, and no one who loved him. Well, except Rose. Mr. Burns had become like a grandfather to her. She often offered to give him a place to stay, but he always refused. He had lost his sight in the same accident that had killed his wife, and he went to live with his daughter and son-in-law. But then his daughter became a widow, leaving her with a sick son. After her son died at the age of 6 months, the mother joined him. His story was so tragic! At least his Christmas would be merry.

And merry it was indeed. The feast was large and everyone was happy. When Rose was walking home, Mr. Burns said he felt so full and warm, that he didn't think he could ever feel cold or hungry again. Then, as always, despite her pleas, Rose left the blind man at the street corner where he slept.

The next morning, when Rose woke up, she made a large breakfast just for Mr. Burns. She took her little Abby and walked down the street with the sausage and eggs and hot tea. She spotted him lying under his coat, asleep. She knelt down beside him and tried to shake him awake. But he didn't wake up. "Mr. Burns," Rose whispered. "Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns." She shook him again. "Mr. Burns, I brought you some breakfast. Mr. Burns!" The realization went through her and her heart began to pound. "Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns!" Mr. Burns had died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 67. Rose collapsed up the street next to his body and held her daughter close. Tears gathered in her eyes and she remembered something. _"Jack. Jack, there's a boat Jack. Jack…Jack…Jack! JACK!" _"NO!" Rose cried and covered her ears, trying to shut out the memory. _Why does God insist of robbing me of all the people I love? Will I ever go on?_


	14. Abby's Father

"Mum?" Almost 5-year-old Abby peeked through the door to her mother's room, where Rose was sitting on the edge of her bed, lost in thought. She looked up at the sound of her daughter's voice and motioned for her to come in.

"Yes?" Rose helped Abby climb on the bed next to her, her little legs dangling a few feet above the floor. "What is it?"

Abby took a deep breath. "Why do you talk to Dad when you're alone?" she asked innocently.

"Oh," Rose breathed, "You hear that?"

Abby nodded, slowly and solemnly. "Yes. Why?"

"It's comforting," her mother responded, "Makes me feel better."

"Does he ever answer back?"

Rose could feel tears gathering in her eyes, and a lump growing in her throat. "No," she said, shaking her head.

Abby looked down at her hands, as if she was remembering something. Then she glanced up at her mum, her face revealing disappointment. "He doesn't answer me either."

Overwhelmed with emotion, Rose engulfed her daughter in a hug and tried very hard to prevent her tears from spilling over for Abby's sake. Rose had made sure that the child had never seen her cry. But Rose was also quite shocked right now. This was the first time Abby had ever asked about her father. Up until now, she wasn't even sure if the child understood she even had one. But she shouldn't have been so surprised. Abby was smart for a 5-year-old. She understood things she was too young to understand, was witty, and also had a keen intuition. The child wasn't really a child—she never had been. "May I ask you about him, or will it hurt too much." Abby said, in a nervous, yet hopeful tone.

It would be wrong for Rose to deny her of information about her dad. "Ask anything you like," she said.

"Do I look more like you, or my father?"

"Half and half, I suppose," Rose replied, "You have my lips, my curls, and big cat eyes like me."

"Do you have a photograph of him? I have all these ideas about him, but I just can't quite picture him." said Abby.

Rose shook her head. "No. But he was very handsome. He was tall. Taller than me by at least a hand-span. Maybe more; I never measured. He had a nose that's a little like yours, but not quite. Your's is smaller. His hair was dark blonde, and it fell over his blue eyes."

"Blue like mine!" Abby cried, excited.

"Yes, blue like yours."

"What was he like? Was he smart? Nice?"

"Yes and yes," said Rose, "He wasn't necessarily well educated in the ways of books and learning, but he was street smart. Common sense and more. He knew what to do in any situation…well…almost. And very nice. Never ever mean to anyone. He was generous and romantic. So romantic."

"What did you love most about him?"

"I loved the way he drew. He was an artist, you know. He could capture someone's soul on paper with only a pencil. And I loved the way he smiled when we were together. I loved how his face lit up when he sang 'Come Josephine.' But most of all, I loved the way he made me feel when I was with him. It's almost…indescribable." Rose was almost talking to herself.

Abby sat silently contemplating what her mum had just told her. "So that's why you sing 'Come Josephine' to me. It reminds you of him." Rose nodded. "I like drawing. Can I be an artist like him?"

Rose held Abby's face in her hand and forced her to make eye contact. "You can be anything you want. _Anything._" Abby noticed the tears in her mother's eyes.

"You're crying," she said. "I'm sorry…I'm making you sad."

"You have never done anything to make me sad, do you understand me?" Rose said.

"But you're crying. I've never seen you cry." There was concern in her voice.

"But…I want you to know all about your father. You have to know about him." Rose said quietly.

"Just answer one question." said Abby. Rose nodded. "What was his name?"

"Jack."


	15. The Invitation

>>Okay, guys. Here's my latest chapter. I'm sorry I haven't updated. But here's the thing. My older sister, Ally, tried to end her life. She's okay now, but since then, I haven't really been able to write. And to Rory4, this story may have a few similarities to Clara Dawson, but I assure you, I'm not copying. This is just the way I wanted the story to go. So here it goes. Sorry if it's not too good.

"Abby!" Rose called, opening the door to her apartment. No answer. "Abby, are you home?" Still no answer. Then she was still at Meg's, probably spending some time with Klaus, Meg's son, who was 16 now, just a year older than Abby. Though Abby may not have known it herself yet, she seemed to like him as more than just a friend. Rose laughed at the realization that Abby, too, would soon fall in love with someone. Ah, to be in love, Rose thought.

Exhausted, she half sat, half fell on the sofa in the living room. She was too beat to go lie down in her room, or even grab a book to read, so she passed the time by gazing at the photographs that sat on the mantle.

A faded one of Abby's first birthday, another of her fifth. One of the two of them playing in the park, and one of Abby, Mary, Meg, Rose, and Elin (Meg's daughter). They were all lined up in chronological order, and Rose felt like she was going back in time as she stared at them. Soon she came to some of her favorites. Rose and her daughter sitting on an elephant when the circus was in town when Abby was about 10. Another of Mary's graduation from St. Martin's. And then her most beloved. Rose and Abby, sitting together on a horse, riding western style, right in the surf. That one was taken last year, during their vacation to Santa Monica.

The wonderful memories Rose had made with her daughter were too many to count. "Thanks, Jack," she whispered. "Thanks for Abby."

"Mother!" Rose heard Abby calling as opened the door and came into the living room.

"Oh, good. You're home. How was school today?"

"It was fine." Abby, sitting on the couch next to Rose. "I finished The Fountainhead during study hall," Abby said proudly.

"I thought you read that when you were 10."

"I did. But I didn't understand a word of it so I had to read it again." Rose smiled proudly at her daughter. She was so smart. Rose knew Abby could do anything she wanted with her life. There was anboring silence.

"So…" said Rose, looking for something to talk about, "Guess what Miss Crawford wants me to do."

"What?"

Rose tried not to grin as she said, "Give the 'talk' to the younger teenagers."

Abby burst out laughing. "Does she know you got pregnant at _seventeen_?" And the two of them laughed hysterically. That was their relationship. The were best friends first, mother and daughter second. Rose was only 32 years old now, but seemed younger. And Abby acted older than her 15 years. But both were just girls at heart.

There was a knock at the door and Abby stood up to answer it. "Mum," she shouted.

Rose, almost too tired to stand, went to the door. "Ah, James! Hello! I didn't know you were coming." Abby excused herself and went to her room to read and Rose invited James into the living room. James lived a floor below her. He was a director at a local theatre, about Rose's age, a widower and single father. The two were good friends. "So, James," Rose said, after bringing him a cup of tea, "What brings you here?"

He brought the teacup to his lips and took a long sip as if he were avoiding speaking. He looked nervous. "I was wondering if…" he stopped and closed his eyes. "I was wondering if Abby could watch Margaret tomorrow after school," he said too quickly. "I have to go…somewhere." Rose could tell that that was not what he came there to say and he had changed the subject.

"We are always happy to look after Margaret," said Rose, referring to his 6 year old motherless daughter. "Is that all?" James nodded. "James…" Rose hesitated, wondering if she should go there.

"Yes, Rose?" He said eagerly.

"James, you seem distracted. Are you alright?" Rose was concerned about her friend.

"No, I'm fine. Really."

"Okay, then. Well, I should—"

"I lied," James interrupted. "There is something."

"Well…okay," said Rose in wonderment. _What does he want?_ She thought.

James looked to the ground and shuffled his feet. He twitched his thumbs and looked unsure. "I'm just going to say it." He looked Rose in the eyes and she noticed for the first time how handsome he really was. "Rose," he almost breathed her name, "Will you…have dinner with me…on Friday…the two of us."

"Oh," said Rose. Then, "Oh," again. "James, I—"

"You don't have to answer me right away," he said, clearly afraid of rejection. "Just promise me you'll think about it." Rose nodded slowly.

"I'll think about it," she promised.

"Right," he said. There was an awkward silence. "Well, I should go." He stood up. "Good bye." He went to the door, she followed. "Rose," he said, and let the word linger as he left the apartment, leaving Rose to ponder his bold invitation.

"Abby!" Rose cried. "Abby, I need you!" The girl came running out of her room.

"What is it? Is everything okay? Are you hurt? Where's James?" Abby was frantic.

"One question at a time," said Rose, and she led her daughter back to her room. They sat on the bed. "James just asked me out! Can you believe it?"

Abby's eyes suddenly grew wide and a grin appeared on her face. Then she giggled and clapped her hands for pure amusementas a child does when she is happy. "Finally!" She cried. "I thought he would never work up the nerve!"

"What are you talking about?" Rose was completely confused.

"Oh, Mother, he's completely crazy about you! Didn't you know?" Rose shook her head slowly. "Well, don't you like him?" Rose shrugged. "You did say yes, didn't you?"

"No," said Rose and noticed the disappointment in her child's eyes. "But I didn't say no either. He told me to think about it."

"Well go find him. Go on, go say yes!" Rose lowered her eyes and stared at her hands. "I don't understand. You are friends. You like him. Maybe it could be something more. What's the problem?"

"He's not Jack." Rose threw her head into her pillow again and again, wishing she had something hard she could bang it against.

Abby steadied her mother and looked into her eyes. "Mum, I love him, too. I'm not looking for a new father. But…"

"Go on."

"Mother, I'm 15," she said in a dramatic way that caught her mother off guard. "In a few years, I will be going off to a university. What then? You will be all alone." Rose had thought about this before. And she was dreading the day when the girl would leave home. "You told me about your final promise to him. To make lotsa babies. Watch them grow. Well, this baby is all grown up. I'm not saying you have to marry James, but you should go to dinner with him."

Rose sighed heavily and buried her face in her hands. "I just don't think I'm ready yet."

"You may never be ready. But maybe it's time you found out."

The next day, when James came to drop off his darling little Margaret, Rose invited him inside for some tea. He sat at the table, tapping a beat upon the wood with his fingers. He seemed anxious. Rose knew why. She pored the brew but he imbibed nothing. "Have you…thought about…my invitation?" He said finally. Rose nodded. "And…?"

Rose had had every intention of accepting, but as she looked at him, all she could see was Jack. "James…I," she hesitated. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm not ready. I'm so sorry." James seemed fine with it, but she could tell that he was hurting inside. _Oh, God_, Rose thought, _I'm never going to go on, am I?_

>>Okay, I know this wasn't my best chapter, but it's needed to move the story along. PLEASE review. I LOVE reviews even if they aren't wonderfully nice. I know my writing isn't as good as it was before, but I'm a little distracted, so it's hard to write anything good. Remember, review!


	16. Glowing Again

"You said _WHAT_?"

"I said no. I'm sorry," said Rose somnolently.

"But why?" Abby moaned. "I don't understand you. Dad has been dead for more than _fifteen_ years." She sat on her bed next to her mother and heaved a sigh.

"Look!" said Rose, overreacting and irritated. "Maybe someday you will understand what it's like to loose someone you love. But I hope to God you never will."

"You should have said yes."

"Well, too bad, cause I'm not going to." At this point, for dramatic effect, Abby closed her hands around her throat making choking sounds. "Cute," Rose said. "But I'm still not saying yes."

"WHY!" Abby was so confused. She had never been in love, so she couldn't possibly comprehend what her mother was going through.

"When I die…Jack is the one I want to spend eternity with. How can I promise to love someone forever with all my heart if I really mean 'not as much as him'?"

"Hello?" Abby knocked on her mother's head. "James probably feels the same way. He lost his wife, remember?" Rose shrugged. "A match made in Heaven…" Abby stood up and kissed Rose's cheek. "I know you'll make the right decision…in time." And she went to the sitting room to read, leaving Rose alone to contemplate her pathetic situation.

&&&

For the next few days, things were very uncomfortable between James and Rose. Rose and Abby would walk Margaret home from St. Martin's, where she was enrolled (that's how they met—when James was bringing Margaret to school) and when he came to pick her up, he wouldn't say much. Just stand there and stare at his hands accompanied by a bit of small talk. He felt rejected, she felt guilty. Every time she saw him, she felt as if someone were squeezing her heart. She thought it was just plain guilt.

"It's not guilt," Abby told her.

"What is it then?" She asked skeptically.

"Regret."

And this got Rose thinking. Maybe she should go out with him. What could it hurt? At least then she would know if she could learn to love again. But she just couldn't bring herself to say yes. It was too difficult. Yes, Jack told her to go on with her life. But every time she thought of saying yes to James, she thought of Jack, sitting up in the heavens, glad that she's going on, but incredibly sad because he feels she know longer loves him.

"Imagine his face when you said no." Abby told her. Rose closed her eyes and saw Jack. He was frowning and shaking his head.

"This is so hard." Rose said with a heavy sigh. "It's not fair."

"Nothing is."

Closing her eyes, Rose made her decision. Without a word, she stood up, gathered her courage and he skirts, and left her apartment. Almost angry, she marched up a flight of stairs and went walked down the hall to room 4C. She banged on the door three times. After a pause, she saw the door knob jiggling. Rose's heart was pounding in her chest. She felt nervous. She felt…happy. The door opened and James was standing in the threshold. Rose stood on her tip toes and gripped his shirt collar. She yanked him toward her and pressed her mouth firmly to his. And they kissed. Rose could feel emotions she hadn't felt in so long, and she pulled away.

James looked bewildered. But happy. Delighted, even. "I guess you changed your mind."

"We'll take it slow," she said. He nodded. "Dinner then? Tonight?"

"Pick you up at eight." He was trying not to seem so happy, for embarrassment reasons. Then Rose left. As she walked down the stairs to her apartment, she couldn't help but smile.

&&&

Abby couldn't stop smiling while she helped her mother get ready. "You won't be sorry," she kept saying. Rose just shrugged. She was feeling a bit guilty. Partly because she was actually excited.

"After all I've been through with your father, how can I just jump into the arms of another man?"

"Because he told you to. And you're not exactly jumping."

"Yes, well…" Rose fumbled with her hair. Abby advised her to keep it down. "What am I going to wear?"

&&&

Three quick raspy knocks gave James away. "Shit. I'm not ready yet!" Rose cried to Abby, though in fact she was. "Go answer the door. Let him in or something."

"But…"

"Please."

"Fine." Abby left, calling, "Coming!"

Rose sat down on her bed and took a deep breath. "So Jack," she whispered, "The day has come. I knew it would. But I hoped it wouldn't. I'm going on, though. I'm trying, I mean. James is a good man. But you are still the one for me. No one could ever top you."

Rose could hear sweet little Margaret (who Abby was watching while their parents were out) as she entered the apartment. With a deep breath, Rose emerged. She was wearing a light pink dress trimmed in white and low cut. A beaded necklace was clasped around her neck, and matching earring dangled from her ear lobes. Her still beautiful red curls spiraled around her face and fell upon her shoulders and half way down her back. She hardly looked old enough to be a mother. Because when Rose stepped out of her room that night, she was glowing. Glowing the same way she did when she was but 17. Glowing the way she did when she met Jack. James was breathless. He couldn't help but stare at the beauty in front of her. The silence that passed between them was a comfortable one. James felt like he could stand there and stare at her all night. But his little daughter tugging at his sleeve brought him back to reality.

"Yes…uh…Margaret. What?" He bent down to her level and patted her head.

Margaret leaned and whispered in James's ear, but Rose could still hear. "Papa, do you love Rose?" James stood up and blushed.

"Time to go, I guess," he said, and his voice broke, cracking like an adolescent teenager's, causing Rose to laugh.

"Right," she said, "We won't be late, girls. Don't wait up."

As they walked down the street, not touching at all, Rose tried to think of some way to instigate a conversation. _Ask about his daughter. Ask about his job. Ask about anything, stupid! You can't stay silent forever. Oh, God, why isn't he asking me anything. SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT! _She gave herself a mental kick. "So…" she began.

But she didn't finish because James said, "We're here." He indicated a restaurant—fancy but not too fancy. Just her taste.

"Everything looks good," she said as she skimmed the items on the menu after they were seated. _Stupid! Is that all you can say? Ask him something…say something…you don't know anything about him…oh no…unusually long silence. Rose, you complete imbecile!_ "So, James. Tell me. What do you do?"

"Oh. Uh. I'm a director. And a writer. Playwright mostly. I work over at the Independence Theatre."

"Really? That must be fascinating? I just saw a play there last week. What was it called? Uhh…_The Legend_ I think. Do you direct it?"

"Yeah…uh…yes," he said shyly, "And wrote it."

"Oh, wow! It was fantastic! Really!"

"No, no, it was crap! Really, pure crap."

"You're being self deprecating," she told him, unable to stop the enthusiasm in her voice. "You're very talented. I wish I could write like that. Abby wants to be a writer. And a scientist."

"She will be. That girl is so smart; she could be anything she wants."

Rose beamed in pride. "She is smart. So is Margaret. She's best in French, I think." Rose would know, as she was the child's French teacher.

A waiter came to their table, looking quite pompous. His nose was enormous and he was very tall. "Have you decided what you would like to eat?" His voice was very low and Rose smiled and tried not to laugh. James shot her a glance and she couldn't bear it any longer. She didn't know why, but giggles came out of her mouth, which she tried to disguise by coughing. James did the same. Finally, they managed to order their food. And the whole night, they talked and talked about all the things they had in common and all the things they didn't. She loved the way James's face lit up when he spoke of his daughter. And she loved his job. It was something that required passion and skill. And that was what attracted Rose above all else.

Rose and James had finished eating and were about to walk home when rain began. They stood outside under a canopy in the doorway and waited for it to stop. They could hear the _ping ping ping_ of drops falling around them. Then a crash of thunder. Startled, Rose jumped and scooted close to James. She shivered and didn't pull away when James put his arm around her warm her. After another roar of thunder and a flash of lightning, it started to pour.

"Well this is just perfect," said Rose cynically.

"You don't like the rain?"

"It's not that. It's just…"

"Because I love the rain."

"You do?" Rose looked up at him and smiled.

"Yup. Always have. Always will."

"Is there a reason?"

He nodded and grinned. "Good things always happen to me when it rains. When Margaret was born, it was raining. And if it's raining on an opening night, the play always goes so well. And right now. It's raining, and I'm with you."

"Oh, James," Rose said. She was touched. "Thank you." _Thank you? _She thought, _Is that all you can say? Damn it! Say something more. _"I guess the rain is good to me, too." She then turned her head away from James's handsome face and looked out into the downpour. "Well, it doesn't look like it's letting up anytime soon. Do you want to make a run for it?" say

He found her eyes and stared into them for a long moment "I have a better idea," he declared, "I say we walk." He extended his arm, and without hesitation, Rose placed her hand in is, and they walked home happily in the pouring rain.


	17. Do you love him?

"You're in love," Abby stated as she and Rose were up at about 2 am eating a midnight snack together.

"What? No." Rose said dismissively. "I wish I was."

"How do you know you're not? And don't give me that 'he's not Jack' bit." Abby said. "That's not gonna cut it."

Rose shrugged. "I just…I don't have that 'feeling.'" Abby shook her head. "I miss that feeling."

"What do you miss?"

Rose hesitated. "Having someone to talk to at midnight. Having someone who knows me inside out. Someone who loves me unconditionally."

Abby smiled. "You have that with me."

Rose smiled back. "Someone with a penis," She said. She began to laugh at her words. Abby cracked up as well. She gripped her side and tried to breathe, then stood up and patted her mother's shoulder as she went to get more pie. Abby enjoyed the sound of her mother's laughter. But something about it seemed unfamiliar about it and she turned around to see Rose's mouth open in a large frown. Her eyes were squinted half shut and her cheeks were red with tears streaming down them.

"Oh, mother," Abby breathed. She couldn't think of what to do, except put place a hand on the back of the woman crying hysterically. "Oh, mother."

Rose took a deep breath in and her body shook. She trembled a few times and then stopped. "Do I love him?" she said in a choked voice. Her daughter sat down at the table next to her.

Abby put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, giving her mother a coy smile. "Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

Abby leaned closer to her mother and looked as if she was studying her. "Tell him."

Rose gave her an _are you kidding me? _ kind of look but couldn't think of a good retort. "Go to you're room."

Abby gave her the same look back in defiance. "Tell him!"

"No," Rose said flatly, and wiped the last of the tears away. "Because I'm the mother, and you're the daughter, and in some cultures that means you have to do what I say."

"If you don't tell him in two weeks, I will."

"Though apparently not in this one…"

"Just tell him!" Abby flew her hands into the air.

"Listen," Rose said, pushing her chair closer to her daughter's. "I don't love him. I…can't love him."

"Fine," said Abby, "Do what you want. Ruin your life. But don't come crying to me when you're all alone." With that she got up and put her plate in the sink.

"Where are you going?"

"My room. You need some alone time to think." And she went into her room, feigning anger, and slammed the door.

Rose sighed and went to her own room and lied on her bed. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5…" Rose was counting the ceiling tiles to avoid thinking about James, "…13, 14, 15, I don't love him, 16, 17, 18, he's just not the guy for me, 19, 20." She finished counting and started over, "1, 2, besides, 3, if I love him, 4, 5, I'll marry him, 6, 7, 8, 9, and if I marry him, 10, 11, 12, then I won't be able to spend eternity with Jack, 13, 14, 15, what do I do? 16, 17, 18, give me a sign, 19," Rose fell asleep before she could finish counting.

The next morning, James met her to walk her to work, as the school and the theatre were in the same direction. Rose blushed when he told her she looked beautiful, he smiled when she said, "You clean up pretty well, yourself." And when they reached the entrance of the school, she felt ripples of joy surge through her body as he kissed her.

Rose opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. Then opened it again but still didn't talk.

"Is there something you want to say?" James asked.

She rotated her eyes around and shook her head. "No."

"Okay, well, I'd best be going. See you tonight." He kissed her again and turned around to leave, but Rose suddenly grabbed him by the collar, stood on her tip-toes, and kissed him hard on the mouth. She arched her back in pleasure as the kiss went on and on, before finally pulling away with a gasp for air.

"Bye." She smiled and went inside the school, blushing.

"Hi, mama!" Abby jumped out from a corner.

Rose fell back a step and struggle for breath in fear. "My God! Don't scare me like that!"

Abby laughed. "You looked pretty friendly with James over there," she said in a mocking tone.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to spy?" Rose teased.

"Who knows? I never listen."

Rose laughed. "Yeah, so? I like him."

"Just like?"

"Go to class," Rose said casually.

"Class doesn't start for 20 minutes. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Rose sighed and relented. It was too hard to keep this from her daughter anyway. She took her and led her to a little nook where they wouldn't be over heard. Not like it mattered, anyway. "Do you think you spend eternity with the ones you love?"

"I…guess so." Abby was confused.

"Well...I'm never going to love James the way I love Jack."

"And…?"

"And I want to spend forever with Jack. But if I marry James—"

"Marry!" Abby leaned forward in excitement.

"Just a thought. Let me finish. If I marry him, than in Heaven's eyes, James is the one I'm to spend my forever with."

Abby looked to the floor and it looked almost like she was studying the pattern of the stone floors or something. "D'you want to know what I think?"

"That's why I asked," Rose said with a nod.

"If there is a Heaven, and Heaven is paradise, and paradise is pure happiness, then I think you spend Heaven with those you love most in the time you were happiest. If that is Jack and me, then that's who you'll be with."

"But Jack and I weren't married," Rose argued.

"You were as married as any two people on this earth."

"Not in a church!" she insisted.

"I don't care. There was no time for that. But…well you get my point."

Rose smiled and nodded. "Well…time for class I guess." And she hurried away.

&&&&&&

"I'm bored," Rose said suddenly as she and James were eating dinner in her apartment.

"Bored with what?" he said without looking up from his chicken.

"Everything."

Now he looked up. "So what do you want to do about it?" His tone was almost erotic.

She smiled. "Screw dinner. We've talked enough. Come with me!" She grabbed his hand and rushed out of the flat without a shawl or anything.

"Where are we going?" He asked curiously as the climbed the main stairwell.

"This is where I go whenever I…need to." She was going to say "when I miss Jack," but that wasn't entirely true anymore. She opened a thick green door and they shivered from the sudden burst of cold air.

"The roof?"

"Yup." She stepped out onto the rooftop, 5 stories up or so, and looked into the dark night sky. "Oh!" She cried in ecstasy. "The stars! They're so beautiful!"

They sat down on the cement ground and looked up. "Look, Rose!" James whispered, "A shooting star!"

I light grin crossed her face and she took a few heavy breaths. "Someone once told me that every time you see a shooting star, a soul is going up to Heaven."

He watched her with deep eyes, as if he were reading her like a book. Did he know her thoughts? "I like that," he said.

"Me too." Her breath made little clouds in the air and she shivered.

"Oh, here," James said, and took off his coat and put it around them both. He held her in his arms and she rested her head against his shoulder. "Rose, look!" he cried, "There's another one!" She lifted her head abruptly and looked to the heavens. Dozens of shooting stars began to fall, fly quickly in front of her eyes.

"Oh, James," she said, without looking away from the miracle. It was as if Jack were saying, _"It's okay. Go for it. Tell him. I want you to." _

"Oh, James," she said again, still staring at the shower of stars. "I love you." Though she didn't look away from the sky, she knew he was smiling when he said, "I love you, too."


	18. Miracle

It was dark and cool out. "Stay close to me," Rose whispered, as the shooting stars continued to fall, "Stay close to me while the sky is falling. I don't want to be left alone."

James lifted his hand and touched Rose's face. Erotic shivers rushed through her back and neck. "I won't leave you alone."

Their eyes met, locked. After a time, she averted her eyes modestly but could still feel his stare upon her. She knew then that she was not just a heart broken woman, condemned to loneliness. She was a human being capable of passion. And now that she was finally letting out that passion, that love, she felt good. "I never want this feeling to go away," she said softly.

"What feeling?"

She smiled and looked back up at the sky. "Love," she said. James took in breath to speak but Rose shouted, "Look! There's more!" It really was a miracle. Hundreds of stars were falling through the sky. Rose grinned the biggest grin and put her arms around James's neck and shoulders, rocking in happiness and laughter.

"It's astonishing," he said. "I've never seen anything this amazing in my entire life." Both their hearts were beating faster and they laughed outloud in their overwhelmed state of awe.

Neither of them could tear their eyes away from the sky. Even when the shooting stars got fewer and farther between, all either of them could do was watch. "I meant what I said," Rose told him. "I do love you."

Now he looked to her. "I know," he said, and leaned in to her. She felt his warm breath upon her face and closed her eyes slowly. He kissed her cheeks,her eyes,her hair, he forehead, and finally her mouth. Their lips were soft upon each others, and neither of them were willing to pull away from this amazing thing. It was like painting. A young couple sharing a soft, passionate kiss in the darkness with the shooting stars in the background like God was giving them his blessing.

The kiss went on and on and James wrapped his arms around Rose. She ran her fingers through his hair and felt a powerful force from within telling her what to do. With his welcome weight upon her, she fell back gently onto the floor of the rooftop, their lips still touching. She gripped his shirt collar and let her hands fall upon the buttons. She undid them as best she could without taking her face away from his. He undid the lacings on her dress with little difficulty and their kiss was only delayed so he could pull it off. Lust overcame their logical thinking, though they probably still would have kept going, even if they had control over their minds right now.

It was everything Rose could have hoped for. Passionate, ardent, gentle. And it left her feeling full. The next morning, when she was back sitting in church, she could still feel the warmth of him in the tenderness between her legs. She could still smell the sweat from his chest on her face and hair and could taste him on her lips. When she closed her eyes, it was not in prayer, but in a reverie of sensuality. The whole night had been one perfect miracle.

**A/N Short chapter but I spent a long time on it, trying to get the wording just right. This was supposed to be a chapter of pure romance and I really would like to know how I did because I've never written anything like this before. Please review! It's the only modivation I will have to finish this story. REVIEW!**


	19. To Eat a Carrot

After church that day, Rose came home to an empty, peaceful apartment. She wanted to see James, but she knew he was working. She noticed a small pile of dishes in the sink and went to wash them when she spotted some fruit and vegetables on the counter and bit into a carrot. Then she stopped suddenly and took in a deep breath. "Oh my God!" she said to herself and gripped her stomach. "ABBY!" She turned and rushed out of her flat and into Meg's.

"What is it, Rose?" Meg stood up from her sewing and went to her. "Is something wrong?"

"Is Abby here?" She panted.

Meg nodded. "Abby, your mother's here!" She and Elin came out of Elin's room.

"Ma?" The girl ran to Rose's side. "What is it?"

"I need to talk to you," Rose whispered. "I need you."

Abby turned around and said goodbye to Elin and Meg and went back home with her mother.

"I think I might be pregnant!" Rose blurted out as soon as they were alone.

Abby's jaw dropped and she let out a cry of half laughter, half disbelief until she realized her mother was serious. "You mean you…"

"Yes."

"You and James…"

"Yes, yes."

"Wow." Abby sat down unsteadily on the sofa. "Okay," she said maturely, "Well, how far along would you be?"

Rose bit her lip and thought. "Um, 10 or 11 hours."

"I don't understand. Why do you think…I mean, it's too soon."

"I ate a carrot."

"Uh oh."

"The last time I had any desire for vegetables was when I was pregnant with you." It was true. Sure, she ate her fruits and veggies, but she didn't like it too much.

"I know," Abby said. "But it's not a sure thing. What else?"

"I saw these kid's at church today and I just wanted to hold them! Oh God, what if I'm pregnant! What do I do?" She was panicking a bit and Abby tried her best to calm her down.

"Would it really be so bad?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah," she said flatly.

"Mum, you love James, right?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah," she admitted. "I do."

"So…?"

Rose shrugged. "I don't know! It's just; it's not the right time! Okay? With work and…I don't know!"

Abby raised her eyebrows and sighed. "Wait and see, Ma. Wait and see."

Wait and see. Too much of Rose's life was _Wait and see_. For once, she would like to control the events in her life. But she was a woman, and that just wasn't possible. Her heart was pounding constantly. She didn't want to get pregnant now. Not like this, anyway. Sure, she wanted another baby, but this time she wanted it done right. She wanted plenty of money and room and she wanted to be married.

The next day, however, during classes, she felt a familiar wetness between her legs and excused herself from class to go check. Dark spotting was in her underclothes and she ran quickly to the older girl's English class.

"Excuse me, Miss Heart, but I need my daughter for a moment," she said, peeking through the door.

"Abby, you're excuse," Miss Heart said, and all the girls watched as Abby stood and left the room.

Rose took her to a corner and made sure no one was nearby. "I just thought you should know that I'm not pregnant. False alarm."

Abby nodded. "Glad that's over," she said. "But it really wouldn't have been so horrible?"

"No, I guess not." Rose said upon reflection.

"So someday…?"

"Someday."

That night, Rose went up to James's apartment after he walked his daughter, Margaret, down to be watched by Abby.

"So…" he said.

"So."

"The other night," he began nervously, "Mistake?" He took her to the couch and sat her down.

Rose's heart almost skipped a beat. "Is that what you think?" she snapped.

He grimaced, knowing he'd said the wrong thing. "Is that what you think?"

She stood up angrily. "Well apparently that's what you think, so _poof! _ Didn't happen! See ya' around." She ran to the door but he ran after her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her toward him.

"Rose," he smiled, "Don't you even think about going out that door." And he brought her to his lips. She responded with lips eager as his.

&&&&&&

James stirred. "Are you awake?" he asked from half-under his blanket.

"Yes," Rose said, instantly alert. She was going to offer to leave, but then he emerged head first from the confusion of bedding and his face was smiling.

"Good morning," he said to her. "Are you…well?"

She found she was beaming back at him, reflecting his joy. "I'm very well."

"Happy?"

She nodded. "Very happy."

"Then come to me," he said, opening his arms, and she slid down the sheets and into the warm musky-scented embrace, his strong thighs pressing against her, his arms cradling his shoulders, his face burrowing into her neck. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she said.

"Then marry me."


	20. Decisions

"So, you said you loved each other, he asked you to marry him, and then he had you, and you said _nothing?_"

"Yup, that was pretty much it." Rose and Abby were sitting on the roof top drinking tea at sun rise.

"Then what happened?" Abby asked, as if she were analyzing the situation.

"We went to sleep."

"And when you woke up this morning?"

"I kissed him and told him I needed to get home and here I am."

Abby giggled.

"What?"

"I think you should wear a long veil with your hair up." Abby stated.

"I haven't said yes yet, so we shouldn't be worrying about this," Rose said sharply.

"Yet! You said yet!"

Rose rolled her eyes. 'New topic, please."

"And you should walk down the aisle with something that smells good."

"Apple pie," Rose said lightly, closing her eyes. They laughed happily.

Then, Abby stopped smiling and looked at her mother quite seriously. "You love him," she said, "and you love Margaret. And I love them both. I'm _sixteen_, Ma. I'll be going off to a university soon."

"Not _that _soon!" Rose countered. "We still have two years…"

"Marry him."

Rose bit her lip. "What if…" she stammered, "…if he's not my soul mate."

Abby shrugged. "You already found your soul mate. And now he's gone. He's been gone for more than sixteen years. So what if he's not your soul mate. You can still be happy with him. You love him."

"I'll think about it," Rose said, and hopped off the roof onto the fire escape and climbed through the window into the apartment. Abby slid in after her a moment later.

"We'll have to move," Abby commented, looking around their small living room. "This place isn't big enough for a family of five."

"You plus me plus James plus Margaret equals four. I think you may be wrong in the head." She knocked playfully on her daughter's skull.

"You mean you're not going to even _think_ about having another child!"

Rose shrugged her off.

"If you don't want to have his baby," Abby said flatly, "Maybe you _shouldn't_ marry him."

Rose spun around, quite angrily and began to shout. "Hey! I'm not an old maid! I have plenty of years left in me and I don't have to waste them being alone! I'm not just a girl who lost love! I'm a human being, capable of passion! If I don't want to devote all of my time to a little baby, that's MY choice! It doesn't mean I don't love—"

Abby smiled. "It looks like you've made your choice, then."

Without a word, Rose turned around and left for Jake's apartment to tell him yes.


	21. THE END

Okay, this chapter is stunningly short. I'm sorry that my last few chapters have sucked, but I've lost a total of four family members since summer and I really haven't been up to writing. Thank you to everyone who read my story and reviewed. I've loved writing it and falling in love with the characters I created. I hope you enjoyed it and that you like this last chapter, even though it's only a few paragraphs. 

Rose and James were sitting by the fire. She looked around the spacious apartment, thinking "Damn, I'm the luckiest woman alive." She heard a giggle and turned around, arching her head back. Abby was standing hand in hand with Klaus, pulling away from a chaste kiss.

"Oh, get a room!" Rose cried. Abby blushed and came to sit with her mother, step father, step sister, and half brother Michael.

"Ma?"

"Yes, Michael?"

The four year old turned around and looked at her with solemn eyes. "When the new baby is born next month, will you stop work and stay home with me?"

She smiled. "For a time," was all she would say.

"Daddy," he said, turning to James, "Will you go on working?"

"Mmhmm," he said drowsily. He shifted closer to his wife and laid a hand on her swollen belly. She picked it up and brought it to her lips. Ignoring their audience, she took hold of his chin and led him toward her. His lips brushed against hers and shivers ran down his spine all the way to his gut. He put his hand behind her head and forced it gently to him and they kissed. She opened her mouth to his and deep in her throat, she made a sound. A sound of joy. This was where she wanted to be. She was happy, she was safe, and she was loved. Finally, the once stiff knot that had been her heart was gone, and with that, her heart went on.

THE END


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